So, I've been reading my Complete Idiot's Guide to Hinduism (which is amazing, btw) and it is helping me to remember everything I learned in India. Which is extremely important for me right now, with all I'm going through.
So this is what I've been thinking:
EVERYONE it seems is living my dream. Almost every new friend I reconnect with from High School is a stay at home mom with beautiful homes, husbands, and children. Not to mention all of my married family with young kids are also living my dream (same as above).
It's hard enough to deal with my infertility and knowing that even if I do get pregnant I can't afford to stay home with them, but then to see everyone living my dream, it is too much sometimes.
So this is what I know I need to be thinking because it is healthier:
God has a plan for me, whether I understand it or not. He knows what is best.
Also the grass is always greener on the other side.
My husband is perfect for me -- I want a husband that is NOT tied to his job, that is NOT more concerned with a big paycheck than being home with his family. If I had a husband who made more money (with a more demanding job -- because those two go hand in hand) so that I could afford to stay home, then I would be extremely unhappy. I told him once, I'd rather live a life of unrealized dreams with him, than to live a life of realized dreams with someone else. That's how much I love him.
I have so much to be happy for. I have a comfortable home, a wonderful husband, an amazing, caring, loving, family, great friends, a very stable job in this wavering economy which allows me to afford infertility treatments and provides great healthcare, overall good health, awesome dogs who make me laugh all the time, and a big screen tv to veg out in front of. :-)
Isn't kind of unappreciative of me to feel dissatisfied because I don't have more? I have more than most people in this world.
I am blessed. Thank you God.
Mi Amor
My love and appreciation for this man is beyond words.
About me...
- GloJoMo
- is a 3rd grade teacher who is happily married and has two dogs as stand-in children.
2 comments:
GLoria- I am glad you have found perspective. Not that I think you needed it, but I'm glad it makes you happy. I think it's the American culture that makes us strive for more more more, so it's only natural. But I like your way of thinking to put it all in balance.
The grass IS always greener on the other side. Any mom who is honest with herself will tell you that being a SAHM is not all it's cracked up to be. Even if your hubby doesn't work long crazy hours, it's tough. You & I come from the same long line of "i can do anything" kind of women, so I know what drives you... you can't help it. :)
I love you! I'm here if and when you need to talk. -z
She's right, being a SAHM is definitely NOT all it's cracked up to be. I too thought the grass was greener. Not that I don't love the fact that I'm raising her, but it's 24 hours a day and sometimes I just want to call in sick and read the paper. I miss adult conversation, interaction, laughing at jokes, sharing ideas, working, making money, writing, reading, feeling smart and useful. Anyway, when you and Jesus do have your baby, remember, it's not always love at first sight. Nobody told me that and I was devastated that I didn't feel the connection that I thought everybody felt but me. That's another story though. Yadda, yadda, hope everything's gotten better since this entry!
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