My Summer Destination

"So, Tell Me All About It"

Everyone is asking me, "What are you going to be doing there? How long will you be there? Are you going by yourself?"

I'm going to try to answer as many questions as I can.

It all started with the book Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. Great book about the author's search for peace after a horrible divorce. She travels to Italy to eat, India to pray, and Indonesia where she finds love. When I read about her time at the Ashram, I knew that I needed to do that. I dreamed, in that I'm-so-excited-I-just-know-it-will-happen-but-then-it-never-really-does
kind of way, that I could save money and travel there one summer. I shared my thoughts with my husband and he totally supported them.

Then, maybe a few months later he runs into a former co-worker of ours and friend. We hadn't seen her in a while and so they chatted for a while, catching up. She mentioned that she had received a Lily Endowment and spent the summer running marathons. My sweet quick-thinking husband asked all about it and came home with the details.

The Lily Endowment gives out hundreds of grants each year to Indiana teachers to do something creative and rejuvenating over the summer so they have more energy and enthusiasm with which to do their jobs. Our friend was going to a dinner where endowment recipients from our region would be presenting what they did with the grant. He said that she said I could come a long if I was interested. Was I interested?!?!?

So, I attended and was totally blown away. These people did all those amazing things that we all dream about (in that way). One ate her way through France and took cooking classes there too. But, there were so many other cool ones. Other just traveled around taking photographs. I knew I had to apply to go to India.

So, I did just that. My proposal simply asked for this opportunity because I suffer from depression, anxiety, and unexplained infertility. The stress of teaching in an at-risk school on top of everything else, meant that I wasn't the teacher I knew I could be. I wanted to find a place where I could focus on relaxing and form healthy habits that would follow me throughout the chaos of a normal school year. I mailed it off on Oct. 31st and received the news on Feb. 23rd.

I will receive $8,000 to cover the entire project. My budget includes the taxes on the money, tickets, equipment, my stay at the Ashram, and a personal stipend. I will probably leave mid-June and will be there for 6 weeks. I plan on sharing what I learn with the other teachers, since burn-out is so high at our school. I also plan to share it with my students so that they can stay relaxed during testing. Of course, I'll share photos and the culture with them as well.

I will be going alone. The money is meant for me only. It would be fantastic if my husband could join me for a week or so during the summer, but that is up in the air. We're still recovering from the dogs' vet bills.

The Ashram is located in the city of Amritapuri in the state of Kerala which is located along the southwestern edge of India. There is meditation and chanting going on all day starting at 4a.m. You do not HAVE to attend all the meditations and chants that are held. They are taxis available at the Ashram that will take me to and from the airport (some 4 hours away in the city of Cochin).

While I'm there I plan on taking a boat ride through the famous backwaters, visit the local markets and villages, get the Ayuervedic treatments (a kind of India whole-body therapy) and see if I can visit the teaching hospital to look into research on the benefits of meditation on stress.

I hope this answers most of the questions you all have. Don't worry, I'll be posting more.

I'm Going to India!

I just received the news that I was awarded one of the Lilly Teacher Creativity Endowments. I will probably leave in mid-June and I will be there for 6 weeks. I can't believe it, but it's true! Needless to say, I'll be writing about my preparations for the trip (and eventually the trip itself).

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You Are An Exclamation Point You are a bundle of... well, something.
You're often a bundle of joy, passion, or drama.

You're loud, brash, and outgoing. If you think it, you say it.
Definitely not the quiet type, you really don't keep a lot to yourself.

You're lively and inspiring. People love to be around your energy.
(But they do secretly worry that you'll spill their secrets without even realizing it.)

You excel in: Public speaking

You get along best with: the Dash

Permission To Teach

Wednesday I, along with all the other 3rd grade teachers in the school corporation, had a workshop to attend. I didn't really know what to expect. Sometimes the presenters are GREAT and other times they are just a waste of time. By the looks of the guy, John Brogan is his name, I thought it would be a waste of time. But, then he came alive! He was funny, told great stories, and was not at all pretentious. Not to mention he gave us permission to teach the way we all know we should be teaching!

My favorite quote of his was this, "Children do not learn at the government rate." Yet his test scores jumped so high in such a short time, they sent someone out to see what he was doing (or check to see if he was cheating). Turns out teaching from your heart is more effective than teaching a list of objectives assigned by the state. (The hypocrisy of the fact that the same people who are telling us to teach these objectives are the same ones who hired this guy to come talk to us, was not wasted on me.)

What made me want to teach was working with an amazingly gifted kindergarten ELL (English Language Learner) teacher. Again, the tests they did on these kindergarteners were higher than the English Speaking kindergarteners. They sent someone out to see what she was doing. They have tried to reproduce it. They snatched her up from the classroom to have her give workshops and I'm sure like John Brogan she has inspired others to teach from their hearts.

Dogs

I grew up a "cat" person. I was the little girl that would exclaim, "Cats rule. Dogs drool!" I defended cats against the dog lovers for years, trying to argue that cats served a purpose.

Now, I own two dogs and zero cats. Their names are Ella and Marley. They were both pound puppies and they are both mutts.

Before Ella and Marley, there was Miles. My first "real" dog. I say "real" because we never really owned pets for long in my childhood home. They would mysteriously disappear all the time. So, Miles was the first dog I went out shopping for, researching for, and the first dog that couldn't be taken away by my Dad. Technically Miles was my husband's dog. He picked him out and named him, but Miles was always my baby.

He was the best first dog anyone could hope for. He was a Black Lab, full of energy, playful, and so full of love. He was the only Lab I've ever known to be afraid of water, but that just made him all the more endearing to me. He was STRONG. Not just in his sturdy body and whipping tail, but in his heart and desire to live.

Within hours of bringing him home from the pound, we discovered he had Parvo and they weren't predicting that he'd make it through. But, with a lot of love and an IV, he did!

Then, years later, when he escaped the house with Ella for a run through the neighborhood and was hit by a car, he proved his strength again. Even though a chunk of his chest hung between his front legs, and he was bleeding profusely, he walked up to me as if he was simply tired from a long walk and wanted to go home and take a nap. When the emergency vet said we should put him down, he was still trying to get up from the table and go home.

At first, I couldn't be convinced that he needed to be put down. This was the STRONGEST being I'd ever met. He was invincible. But, when the vet explained the damage and pain, it was I who had to be strong. I had to let him go, and then I had to find my husband and explain everything to him.

Needless to say, I'm a convert. I am a "dog" person now. Miles was the best representative of the K-9 family to convince me of their superiority.

So, it is understandable, how I am able to justify spending close to $3,000 (that I don't have) on knee surgery for Ella and emergency care for Ella and Marley after they ate pain meds.

How could we not try to save these dogs lives? They protect us, they love us unconditionally, they keep us warm in the cold months, they make us laugh and they do it all for a scratch behind the ears and a little food.

My Religion

"When I do good, I feel good. When I do bad, I feel bad. That is my religion."
-- Abraham Lincoln.

I've never read the story of Huck Finn so I've been listening to The Adventures of Huck Finn on CD in my car. I love Huck! He is very clever, yet he is very innocent in a lot of ways. Mostly, I love that he is the best example of Lincoln's quote.

Huck is convinced by society that a runaway slave or anyone helping a runaway slave is the worst kind of person. They are weak and will go to hell. This is what his society has taught him. Yet, as he gets to know Jim (the runaway slave) and even care about him, he decides that it just doesn't feel right to turn him in. And so, even though he is convinced he will go to hell, he does what feels right. He follows his heart.

Maybe I like Huck so much because he reminds me a little of myself. Or at least, that I see a little of myself in him. The fact that he doesn't just accept what he is told. He listens and then "chews on it" for a while and then makes up his own mind.

I actually have a student this year who exhibits some of these characteristics. Every Christmas I write my students a "love" letter. Basically, I tell them what I think is special about them and then tell them that I love them. In his letter, I wrote that I loved his fighting spirit even though it makes my job harder. I meant what I said. It is very annoying to have a student who doesn't immediately do what I ask them to do, or buy what I'm trying to sell. But, do I really want a classroom full of students who take everything I say without "chewing on it" first? No, I don't. In fact, he has really inspired me this year. He's given me the feeling that I can really make a difference by allowing him to be himself. He is my Huck.

Are You Comfortable?

It turns out that fear is a bigger motivator than peace. That's the only thing I can come up with to explain people's behavior. I'm talking about dishonest people. My guess is that they are afraid of what others might think, so they lie. I know I can't be the only one who is so uncomfortable with dishonesty that I would rather face the truth, no matter how ugly, no matter what the consequences.

Don't mistake me for someone who doesn't EVER lie. I did plenty of lying when I was a kid, but I hated every minute of it. I am still haunted by those moments of dishonesty. And, I am not above stretching the truth a little when the moment is right.

But, I'm not talking about those kinds of lies. I'm talking about a flat-out-lie. Is it more comfortable for some people to lie than tell the truth? If it is possible, I truly can't understand it.

Growing up, I hated the feel of certain things. The tags in the back of my shirts, the seam at the toe end of my socks, velvet, wool, and even a bra (still bothers me, but I can tolerate it for about 12 hours a day). Living with a lie, for me, is like living with a velvet dress, socks seams digging into my pinky toes, while wearing a wool bra.

Perhaps, for some, the truth feels like a wool bra. Perhaps, for them, a lie is a warm, soft, downy coat with the hood drawn over the head that protects them from the cold sting of the truth. Perhaps, they are more comfortable with lies.

Motivational Speaker

So, like I said. I am a person who wants to be heard. Since most students tune their teachers out, I thought, I'm in the wrong profession. I need a job where people pay money to hear what I have to say.

TaDa! Motivational Speaker!!! I looked into it. Turns out, it's a hard profession to get started on. Still, I thought, if I was a motivational speaker, what would I have to say? And so, I started writing down my ideas. This is what I came up with.


Are you tired? Tired all the time? Raise your hand if what I describe resembles your life. Wake up early (if you’re crazy) go to the gym, then eat breakfast on your way to work, put in 10+ hours with a quick unhealthy lunch hunched over your keyboard, come home too tired to cook and wash the dishes that follow, so you order out; eating something quick and unhealthy again, then plop into bed just in time to wake up and do it all over again. It makes you feel like that kid with the melting two-scoop ice cream cone? You’re trying to enjoy every lick, but it’s melting so fast, it’s all gone before you realize what happened.

So what do we do? We play the lottery in hopes that we’ll win big, never have to work a day again in our lives, and we’ll spend away all of our problems. Or we pick up a bad habit trying to cope with the stress in our lives.

So how do we slow things down, how do we put happiness and meaning back into our lives? Everyone has a different recipe. There are hundreds of books out there that will give you step by step instructions on how to organize and simplify your life, how to be healthier so you can live longer and be happier, how to meet the right person, how to buy the best house. The list goes on. All these things are supposed to do the trick. But what most researchers say, and what I have found to be true are three simple things. They are:

1. Pursue your dreams.
2. Surround yourself with people whose company you enjoy.
3. Nurture your inner child.


Ladies, notice none of those had anything to do with a clean house. Gentlemen, notice none of those had anything to do with your favorite sports team winning a championship!

I know you’re probably thinking, surely it can’t be that simple? I truly believe it is. Think about the people you know who seem to be truly happy. I bet every one of them has at least one of these three qualities.

Now you’re probably thinking, okay well, it works for them but it can’t work for me because _________ fill in the blank. I disagree.

Let’s go back over the three keys to happiness in more depth.

1. Pursue your dreams / a.k.a. follow your heart. How is this done? Well, let’s take Jamal for example. Jamal wanted to grow up to be a professional basketball player. The only problem is that Jamal is 5’6” weighs 140 lbs. And has scored more women than he has points in a game. We can safely guess that Jamal will never be a professional basketball player. But the truth is that Jamal loves the game of basketball, not the fame that comes with being a professional. So he can pursue his dreams by coaching a basketball team or just playing with some friends on the weekends to relieve some stress. What I love about this idea is that Jamal could incorporate all three keys to happiness in one game. By playing basketball, he is following his love of the game, by playing with friends, he is surrounding himself with people he enjoys, and with a little imagination (remember what that is?) Jamal could beat Michael Jordan every weekend. But, I’m getting ahead of myself.
2. Surround yourself with people whose company you enjoy. Humans are social animals. Some of our fondest memories revolve around big gatherings, Christmas, Weddings, Birthdays, Cookouts, Church, sleepover, sports, etc. Some of you may say to yourself, NO, I just want to be alone! I’m an introvert. So then hang out with other introverts!! But find a way to be around people. But be picky about who your share your time with. Don’t get so desperate to be with people that you would allow abusive or harsh people into your life. Make sure they are people that you really enjoy. That is not an easy task. There are very few people who the more I get to know them the more I like them, but these are the kinds of people to include. Now if you’re like me and it is difficult to make friends, read some books, ask others how they do it, or just face your fears head on and give it a try. It can be a scary feeling, but just don’t take any of it personally and you should do just fine.
3. Last, but not least, Nurture your inner child. The best advice I ever heard was to nurture my inner child. First off, I didn’t think I had it in me, but I was told that everyone has an inner child I just needed to find her. I’ll never forget the time my husband made some corny joke and I rolled my eyes at him. This was early in our dating and he said to me, “You know you can play along?” I didn’t understand what he meant, and he explained that when he joked like that, I could continue the joke by playing long. This would make it more fun. So, my husband had to teach me how to joke around! Needless to say, my inner child was buried very deep. I’m still discovering parts of her I didn’t know where there. Most adults feel uncomfortable with this idea. So the best way to start is to make a complete fool of yourself. To start, I'll need everyone to stand up and push in your chair. We're going to dance the "Tooty-Ta!" It's easy to do. We simply move our bodies to the beat while we follow the directions.

A tooty-ta, a tooty-ta, a tooty-ta ta!
A tooty-ta, a tooty-ta, a tooty-ta ta!

Thumbs up! (Thumbs up!)
Elbows back! (Elbows back!)
Feet apart! (Feet apart!)
Knees together! (Knees together!)
Bottoms up! (Bottoms up!)
Tongue out! (Tongue out!)
Eyes shut! (Eyes shut!)
Turn around! (Turn around!)

A tooty-ta, a tooty-ta, a tooty-ta ta!
A tooty-ta, a tooty-ta, a tooty-ta ta!

Now, the next time you feel silly indulging your inner child, just remember that you did the "Tooty-Ta!" in front of hundreds of other adults. I promise, nothing will feel silly after that.

So, what do you think? A budding Motivational Speaker, right? ;)

Sudoku Master

I've never really known who I am or what it is I enjoy doing. I'm the kind of person who will do whatever you want to do and agree with most of what you say, just to keep things comfortable.

Once I realized I turned out to be one of "those women" (my childhood self would kick my ass for turning out like this), I decided it was time to figure out what I enjoy doing. You know, get some hobbies. So, I took up sudoku. (I never could get into crossword puzzles.)

Another disappointing discovery, I have no real talent at anything. I have to work at being average. So, when I took up this new hobby, I wanted to be good at it.

What's worse? I married a guy who happens to be good at just about everything. I'm not saying he's perfect! I realized that a long time ago. But, there is no denying he has natural intelligence that makes learning new things come easy.

What's worse than that? I am a competitive person with an inferiority complex!!!

Which leads us to today. I have been practicing sudoku in a book I picked up at Wal-mart. I think I've been getting better, faster, figuring out the patterns of logic, and getting better at overlooking the "obvious". So, when I came across the sudoku puzzle in the Newspaper today, I thought I would challenge myself. I would use a PEN and time myself.

It was a disaster. I failed. So, I tried again, this time with a different color pen. It was difficult with all the scratched out numbers, but I wasn't going to be discouraged so easily.

Another failed attempt. I felt awful. Thoughts like, "You suck! You'll never get good at anything! Don't kid yourself. Just give it up," went through my head. I felt so awful. And having my "everything comes easier to me" husband right there, made it that much more humiliating.

So, after stuffing my face full of cookies and coffee, I thought it all over. Moral of the story, I overthink everything, and really need to get over myself. Seriously, if not being fast and successful at Sudoku is enough to get me that I upset, I need to get a life.

Another Blogger!?!?!

I know, I know. Aren't there enough people with blogs already? Is there anyone who really cares what I have to say?

Yes, to the first question.
No, to the second.

I've always been the kind of person who needs to be "heard". (It all goes back to childhood issues.) The nice thing about a blog is that you can write all you like about whatever you like (that is without threatening national security) and you can imagine people from all over the world are reading your thoughts and actually caring about it.

So this blog will serve as my prop in my imaginary world where everyone cares what I have to say and AGREES with it. I'm picturing myself as a child, a pretty girl in a white dress with a soft stuffed animal clutched in one arm, standing on a soap box in my childhood home, preaching the early and mature wisdom I've always had inside, but no one ever listened to.

Oooh, I'm liking this blog already!