Post 13

July 9 --

Super good news!!! Jesus says we already made the $500 for Shankar’s education. Plus... he says money may still be coming in and so the extra money will just be a bonus for them!! I couldn’t wait though -- as soon as he told me that we had enough I took it out and gave it to them. When he tells me how much extra was donated, I’ll take that out and give them a special surprise!!! They totally won’t be expecting that. :)

So, they aren’t a very outwardly expressive culture. They didn’t jump up and down or even given me a hug... but the smiles on their faces and the relief I saw in the mother’s eyes as she kissed the money and touched it to her head and chest was enough. They are also going to cook me a chicken dinner tomorrow -- this is their way of saying thank you. I will gladly accept this gift on behalf of all of you. :)

Again -- Thank You to each of you who sent money. Every little bit has made a difference in this young man's life. Since they can't say it for themselves, I'll say it for them -- THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!! You are all amazingly generous people.

I started the Basti treatment today (better known as enemas). :P No fun!!! I have two small oil enemas (today and tomorrow) and then a big water/herb enema. Then I alternate oil/water for 5 days or so. This is sooooo NOT fun. But, I went to see the other Ayurvedic doctor at the college the other day to find out my dosha (body type) and find out what was out of balance. She says I am a Pitta by nature, but when she read my pulse she found Vata to be more predominant. She then said, enemas will be the best treatment to balance this out.

Of course the night before I start this lovely treatment, I got a roommate! She is a French woman, probably middle-aged. She just happened to walk into the room (needing to use the toilet) after I had just, you know... finished my basti. Good news is that she leaves tomorrow. I’m not sure why they moved her into my room for just two nights (because I know she has been here for at least one week already), but I’m grateful it is such a short stay. I would hate for her to suffer through this next week with me.

So, I called the vet to come out and give the mangy dog some meds, but he had an emergency come up this morning so he’ll try again tomorrow. Good news is that I’ve met a woman named Daya (sp?) from California who is also a sucker for suffering animals. She had already offered to help with the cost, but she also wants to be there with me when the vet comes and ask questions about what we can do to help this on-going problem. She will be here for 6 months. She is teaching English at Amma’s school. She told me about how they need more teachers (did I tell this story already??) and so I gave her my info. Maybe, Jesus and I will come back someday to teach English here.

Still miss you all. Love you!

July 10 --

I have a wonderful friend here named Jane. She is so motherly it is funny because she doesn't have any kids. She is (as nicely and non-pushy as possible) encouraging me to stay put and REALLY take care of myself this week because she has done the bastis and she knows how much it takes out of you (no pun intended). So, like a big girl, I went to Prasana and told her that I'd have to post-pone the Chicken dinner until next week because I am supposed to eat VERY lightly this week. And, probably because Jane is tip-toeing so well around my If-You-Tell-Me-What-To-Do-I'll-Do-The-Opposite attitude (and yes Mom, I see the double-standard here), I am going to take her recommendation and try to stay out of the internet cafe. I will still type up blogs here, but I'll wait until next week to post them. This will not be easy, because I feel well enough to go to the internet cafe. But, I know that the whole idea is for me to stay still and not run around with my made-up errands. It is amazing how busy I can keep myself if I really want to.

I'm not even going to go into town to get the meds that the vet prescribed for the mangy dog. I'll see if Daya will be willing to go. If not, then the dog will have to wait. Good news is that Jane says she saw him this morning trying to get it on with the white and brown (Ella-like) dog. (I guess all those chicken bones I've been "accidentally" dropping and he has been "accidentally" eating is giving him some of his strength back.) So this Ella-dog has been in heat and attracting all kinds of male dogs. It is funny because there is this one large brown dog, very strong and tough looking, who has been trying to get in her pants ALL WEEK. The other day I was waiting to meet Jane in front of the temple and I was watching this all play out in front of me. I couldn't help but apply my own dialouge to their courtship. It went something like this:

"Oh come baby, you know you want it." (as he tries to mount her)

"I'm not that kind of girl! If that is all you want, get out of here." (as she chases him out of the ashram)

"I'm sorry baby, you know I love you. What do you want me to do?" (as he comes back and starts licking her face)

"He-he-he, that tickles! Stop it! Ok, ok! You can stay, but don't think you're getting any!" (as she rolls over on her back and lets him lick her ALL over)

I didn't see the conclusion to this story, but something tells me there will be little puppies running around here in a few months. And don't judge -- I don't have t.v. here -- I have to find my entertainment where I can get it. I just didn't know that you could get R rated entertainment here at the ashram! :)

July 11-

Today was the big basti. Believe it or not, it wasn't as bad as I imagined it would be. Though it was still very painful. I'm sitting there, naked on the toilet, pooping out all this gunk, and these pretty little "nuns" are poking their heads in occasionally asking me, "Pain? Pain?" The funny part is that I wasn't all that embarrassed. They have this way of making this ridiculous position I'm in seem totally natural and normal. And even though nothing was quite as bad as I had imagined, I was still on the verge of tears the whole time.

Today during the evening Archana I saw this woman rubbing her neck incessantly. I have noticed her before and she is always rubbing her neck. It has really bothered me in the past and I would think -- stay still would you! But today, I felt this immense compassion for her and the discomfort she must be in. I tried ignoring her for a while, but I couldn't stand it. I finally stood up and walked over and asked if I could massage her neck for her. I had to do something to ease this woman's discomfort. She was sooooooooooooooooooo grateful. I massaged her neck/head for about 45 min. straight. She kissed my hand afterward. As if she were my grandmother, I kissed her back. I really just wanted her to be comfortable for a few minutes. Normally, I would be so afraid of disturbing others, or upsetting her by assuming that she needed help, that I would not have even asked if I could help. But something told me she was desperate for some relief. So, I put my fears aside and by doing so I was able to help someone who really needed it. If my assumptions are correct, this is the woman that a man was telling me about who has cancer. It felt really good to do something for someone else like that. I think after having these Bramacharinis taking such good care of me for so many weeks now, I want to return the favor somehow. I want to take care of someone else.

So, part of my reason for being here is to start and maintain a meditation and yoga routine for myself; something that I will follow through with back home.

I have written down the routine that I am attempting and will continue to attempt to keep when I get home. It hasn't been easy while doing Panchkarma to keep as strictly to the routine as I'd like, but I do what I can, while also trying to listen to my body and resting when I need to. Meditation hasn't been a problem. The yoga is something else though. I feel so weak sometimes, especially this week, that I just have to rest.

July 13--

I STINK! In addition to the spicy food and sweat, while you are doing Panchakarma they put these spices and oils on the top of your head and you have to keep it covered with cotton (hence all the photos with my head covered). The dogs aren't going to recognize me because I will smell totally different than anything they have ever smelled before! I was going to apologize to Jesus for smelling like a bunch of spices, but then I thought, knowing how much he enjoys food, he might actually like it! :)

I'm feeling very restless. Yesterday is when I noticed it. The digestive process is divided into three parts (according to Ayurveda) -- Kapha (water) controls the digestion of sugars in the mouth, Pitta (fire) controls the digestion in the stomach through acids/bile, and Vata (air) controls the intestines. Vata is associated with being flighty, nervous, etc. So, my guess is that these enemas are stirring up all this restless energy.

I've been reading The Buddha Gospels which was probably a mistake. I really like the Four Noble Truths, which is the basis of Buddhism. And, I really like what I've learned about Amma and what she does. For that matter -- I like the basic teachings of all major religions -- they all have the same teaching... they all make sense to me. BUT, as soon as I read the "history" or "gospel" or "whatever" it ruins it for me. I'm not sure what it is, but I think it has to do with the overly indulgent style of writing that is used. Like, I understand that it must be a pretty impressive thing to tell the story of a prophet/guru that it might be easy to get all caught up in excessive language -- but it just puts such a bad taste in my mouth. I guess because they all say that God is in everything -- God is everywhere -- We are all God's children -- God is even within us, we just have to realize it. Okay, so then why this ridiculous love and adoration for one person who has realized that? Shouldn't this love and adoration be for everyone (realized or not)? If anything, the non-realized people need this love and adoration more so they CAN realize their godliness. The prophets/gurus they already know and they are detached from human emotional needs because they feel God's love all the time.

Perhaps this is why I was so attracted to the God Memorandum when I came across it in High School (the height of my aethiest-ism). I can't remember who wrote it, but I remember that the whole idea is that God has sent us a Memo stating how wonderful we are, how "godly" we are, and you are supposed to read it over and over until it finally sinks in. Once you recognize your true worth, then you can also see everyone else's true worth, and therefore love everyone as God loves everyone. It is really a smart idea. I might re-read it. I haven't read it in a looooong time! At least I know I'll respond to it better than the things I've been reading.

In case you can't tell, I'm trying REALLY hard to put aside all of cynicism and doubt. I really want to have faith in something. I understand that I need that and I even WANT it. The problem is I'm very very very picky about what I will accept. Which, according to Buddha, is a good thing!! It just makes this whole spiritual quest that much more difficult!! But then, I am talented when it comes to making things more difficult than they have to be.

“Do not believe in what you have heard; do not believe in doctrines because they have been handed down to you through generations; do not believe in anything because it is followed blindly by many; do not believe in truths to which you have become attached by habit; do not believe merely on the authority of your teachers and elders. Have deliberation and analyze, and when the result agrees with reason and conduces to the good of one and all, accept it and live up to it.”

~Buddha

I've also been thinking about meeting Amma. As usual, everyone is telling me what I should do. I had already been thinking the same things they were -- to ask for a baby, to ask for mental/spiritual health/strength, and to ask for a mantra. (Like I said before -- I'm trying really hard to have faith in something and so I thought this would be a good place to start. I'll ask -- the worst thing that will happen is nothing will change!) But then I thought, if Amma really is this God-realized being, do I really want my first encounter with her to be asking for something? I then thought regardless of her divinity, I really want to thank her for having created a place like this where I could come and just focus on me. She is the one who wanted to start an Ayurvedic Clinic, College, and Research Center. Without all of this, I would never have found Ayurveda and would never have been able to experience the love and care of these amazing Brahmacharinis. So, I think I'll just say "Thank you".

July 14 --

Well, last night I looked at a calendar and I couldn't believe that the month is half over already! I know I've been writing down the dates on my blogs, but it didn't click until I looked at a calendar. So much for staying out of the internet cafe!! I have to get in to check my e-mail and see about extending my ticket. I e-mailed the travel agent and didn't get a response. Then I called her and left a message. I would call again, but I need my flight numbers and I don't have that info on me. It is in an e-mail. So, I really need to check my e-mail and get in contact with this lady asap. I'm running out of time fast! I am scheduled to leave in 1 week!! Wow -- I can't believe that it has all passed so quickly. I remember thinking how slow time was passing when I first got here. An extra week will be so good for me. I've heard that the week or two after Panchakarma can be the most tiresome as your body tries to recover.