Post 2

June 12 -- I think, I don’t know anymore. I’m so discombobulated. I don’t even know the correct time back home anymore. I keep forgetting if it is 9.5 hours ahead or behind. I just tried calling Jesus (thinking he was home from work) and now that I’m on my laptop, I can see that he’s just getting ready to have lunch!! I’ll figure it out after awhile. I’m a slow learner.

I’m still have jet lag. Since this is only my second day, it makes sense. I made two dumb choices today. #1 -- I chose to walk with a friend to the nearby town in the middle of the day when it is sweltering hot!! #2 -- I chose to take a cold shower and nap after bad choice #1. So, now it is like 10:30 or 11:00p.m. and I’m wide awake. That is not helping me adjust to the time change. However, I heard from others that it takes at least 4 days to adjust and that they couldn’t help but take naps too.

One of the places we went to (before heading the nearby town) was the beach, which is very, very close to the ashram. On the beach there is an internet cafe. I stopped by, but she said their internet was out too. She said that someone was coming today to fix it. So, hopefully tomorrow (June 13, I think) I can go there and finally connect to the real world.

It is getting a little easier for me, but I feel very lonely when I am in my room alone. I think to myself, what am I doing here? But, I know what I’m doing here -- and it is exactly that feeling (and that idea) that I am here to work on. I need to be able to be alone with myself and depend on myself. I realize how much I depend on Jesus for my happiness. I feel like I’m missing this huge part of myself without him here. And even though that sounds extremely sweet and romantic, it is not healthy.

So, I’ve made a good friend here. Her name is Nicole and she is from Germany. She and I spend almost all of our time together. She is really a nice person. She gave me three green sparkly bangles just because I mentioned that I liked them. I also enjoy hanging out with her, because she did not come here for Amma either. We both have similar ideas about religion. So I feel feel more “comfy” with her. (She uses this word a lot.) For example, today I also met a lady from Poland named Vasurda (spelling? pronounced like the Spanish word -- basurda -- that’s how she told me to remember it.) Anyway, she is so kind and helpful. But, she has been here for two and a half years, explaining that the outside world is too harsh and she is a sensitive person. She worships Amma. I just don’t agree with this. #1 -- the whole idea, I thought, was to come here for guidance/practice/whatever so that you can better cope with the harsh real world, not to hide away from it. #2 -- no matter how amazing a person Amma is (and I believe is really is an extraordinary person) she is still human and therefore not to be worshipped or revered more than any other human being.

She is much braver than I am. She was bored at work one day, and started searching cheap airline tickets. She found a cheap one to Trivandrum and she bought it with no real knowledge of the place or anything. She stayed in a hotel in Trivandrum for about a week by herself, slowly getting to know the city before she came here. She suggests that spend some time in Trivandrum before I head home. I think I might do that. It is going to be difficult for me to do much shopping if I don’t. So, I might leave here a week or so early and stay in a hotel... we’ll see.

Well, I planned on trying to cut sugar out of my diet while I was here, but I don’t think that is going to happen. It’s just not realistic right now. I figure one thing at a time. First let me get a healthy meditation/yoga routine and then I’ll focus on my diet.

It is funny to me how much the rituals of the Hindu remind me of the rituals of the Catholic church. I can’t really explain it, but that was my impression today.

My seva today was chopping vegetables. I enjoyed doing this because I was able to meet and chat with some interesting people. There is a guy and his wife who are here who are from Mexico. They are real hippies, but very nice people. Then I met a girl from Kentucky. She is a Personal Trainer/ Yoga instructor/ and Thai masseuse. I pretty sure those vegetables were the ones they used to cook our dinner tonight. I’m starting to get tired of the food (and I know it is only the second day!!). It is always rice with some type of vegetable sauce. I could really use some meat, but I think most of this region is vegetarian. :(

I did have some coconut milk today. Nicole showed me where they sell them. There is a little house right outside of the ashram where they will cut just the top open for you. You drink the juice out and then they cut it in half and you scoop out all the meat and it eat it. They cut the outside of the coconut in such a way that it makes a scooper for you. It is pretty cool. The only problem is that I didn’t like the coconut milk. I think I remember my dad drinking the coconut milk and giving use the meat of it when we were kids, but I remember the milk being white. This was clear. The meat was VERY soft too -- gooey almost. I’m wondering if maybe they hadn’t ripened all the way. Ooh, that is outside the ashram, so I can take pictures of it!! I didn’t realize that we would be out and about today (so I don’t have pictures) but not to worry, I will get some for you.

In fact, today I broke the rules (don’t tell my students) and took pictures inside my room. Hopefully I’ll be able to post them for you.

Sorry that I’m writing so much! I just have so much time to think and I feel the need to get it out. I won’t be offended if you get tired and stop reading.

I love you all and miss you!!