Post 6

June 16 -- I am waking up later and later every day and I’m feeling more and more tired. Weird. Shouldn’t it be the other way around? Anyway, I’m going to have to start setting my alarm. I really want to make it to the Archana in the mornings. Everyone says the energy during this time (right before dawn and the chanting) is very powerful. The last two days I’ve been sleeping through it.

Today I had to say goodbye to Carol and Jose. Two friends I made here at the ashram. They are from Mexico (near Mexico City) with an organic farm. Jose teaches students (in the country and in the city) about organic farming. I’m not sure what Carol does, but I can relate to her a lot because she also has trouble getting pregnant and she loves animals. In fact, she handed over the job of walking the cows out of their stalls every morning to me! Jose reminds me of a painting of Jesus Christ. He has long-ish, dark-ish, curly-ish hair and a matching beard. He is thin and has the kindest eyes and a patient smile to go with them. Carol is so sweet and makes the funniest facial expressions. I love to watch her when she talks! She said her dad named her after Carol Burnette! (sp?) Can you believe that?? Apparently, her dad was in love with Carol Burnette. I took of picture of them on their way out of the ashram. They are going to do some more traveling before they go back home. This is their honeymoon. They have been married only a month or two. They have known each other for 15 years! They’ve been friends, but had other relationships and have finally come together. It is really beautiful. I gave them my e-mail address and told them to keep in touch.

Tomorrow, I go to see the ayurvedic doctor. Hopefully she’ll be able to see me then. Otherwise, I go back on Wednesday. I’m a little worried because this morning I tried taking my ayurvedic medicine and I threw it up. I tend to get myself all worked up over something (like shots or yucky foods/medicines) that I end up not being able to handle it. I knew this about myself going into this treatment, but I thought “Well, I have learned to handle my fear of shots, now I can work on my fear of swallowing yucky stuff.” So, I prepared myself by thinking, “This is good for you. You need this. It smells good (which is not a lie -- it smells like spices I’d put on meat). You can do this. Control yourself. Take it a little at a time. If you can handle it, drink it all in one gulp.” I really believed I could do it, too. I started to gag, and then I put it down, walked away and told myself to get control!!! Then I came back to try again and that is when it all came up. So, I’ll talk to her tomorrow about how to handle this. I think I could take it in smaller doses. Right now it is 4 tbsp of water with 2 tbsps of this greenish stuff, and then 1 tsp of this spicy powdery stuff all mixed together. Carol says that sometimes you can get this stuff in pill form. I’ll ask about that too, but I really don’t want to have to pay for more meds. I’d really just like to learn to take the damn stuff.

Everyone (including Jesus) is happy for me and my decision to shave my head and really dive into this treatment. I have the best supportive husband, family, and friends in the world! Thank you all for supporting me.

I developed this really small rash in Mexico (back in April when we went) that appeared on the back of my left hand in the area between my thumb and index finger. It disappeared almost as quickly as it appeared and it only itched a little while it was there. Now it is back and it is also showing up on my right hand in the same place. I have no idea what it is. Some people suggested it might be a reaction to the sun. I also had gotten a lot of sun in Mexico by the time it showed up. It could also be heat induced, I suppose. Strange.

This afternoon for lunch we actually had some GOOD Indian food here in the ashram. It was so delicious. I’m not sure what the difference was in the vegetable sauce, but I know the bread-like substance that was served with it was a huge help. It was almost like a flatten football shape of white moist bread or rice??? I don’t know, but it was perfect with the sauce. I didn’t even get any rice today. It was great. I hope we have leftovers for dinner.

After we finished this delicious lunch, Xavier (Chavi is the nickname in Catalan), brought us some leftover Spanish Tortilla (which is eggs, potatoes, and onions) that was so scrumptious. I guess it's round flat shape reminded Pizza, the eagle, of pizza, the food because she tried to snatch it out of my hand. Her talons actually scraped my finger! It scared me pretty bad at first, but then I just thought it was really cool.

******************** a few hours later*****************

Actually, I think I might skip dinner. I had an ice cream cone (don’t go freaking out -- the food here at the ashram, including the designated drinking water areas, are perfectly fine. No one gets sick here) and then I had some Chai tea (again -- I drink at least three cups of this a day) so now I’m feeling full. Plus, according to the Panchakarma pamphlet I was given, it is not good to eat after 6:00 pm. So, I don’t know why the ashram serves dinner at 8:00 pm. Anyway, I’m in my room now, I’m feeling full, and I want to get up earlier than usual tomorrow so it is a good reason to skip dinner and get to bed early.

I met and talked with this cute couple (I think they are a couple -- they just met like 1 or 2 weeks ago in India) today. They have kind of taken the place of Carol and Jose me. Marta is from Spain (Barcelona) and Anand is from Northern India (but I don’t remember which part). They are very nice and interesting as well.

The only problem is that I feel I am spending more time chatting with friends than working on my meditation and spirituality. So, since tomorrow marks 1 week at the ashram for me (I can’t believe it is already one week -- it went so fast -- even though it was feeling so slow) I’ve decided to start pulling away a little from them. Also tomorrow will probably be when I start the Panchakarma, so it will be a good time to start focusing on my health (physical and spiritual).

Some people go into “silence” while they are here. They will spend a certain number of days (I don’t know how this number is determined) without talking, reading, writing, touching, even without looking at others (if they can avoid it). I think the whole point is to be with yourself -- your own mind -- and get to know it well. In the book Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert, the book that inspired this trip, she talks about realizing that her mind is like a harbour and her thoughts like ships. She decided to begin questioning each ship before allowing it to come into her harbour. If the ship was full of poisonous cargo or carried any kind of sickness, she did not allow it in. In other words, she became very aware of her thoughts and started being able to control them. In the Asian cultures they always seem to use the analogy of a Monkey Mind -- hopping around out of control. I prefer to think of the mind as a home and as the thoughts like a puppy. Only because I am now such a dog lover and this analogy makes a lot of sense to me. Basically, you can allow a puppy to run free, without a home or owner’s to protect it, and it could even be happy that way. But, it is sure to contract worms, eat garbage, catch fleas, and get very messy and stinky. On the other hand, a puppy that has a home and caring owner’s can be trained to come in when it is called, can get vet care to prevent all the diseases and parasites, have guaranteed meals, get plenty of love, etc. In other words, we need to train our thoughts to come when called, so that they don’t end up smelling like garbage.

All of this has got me thinking that I might give this silence thing a try. I mean, where else am I going to be able to do this for an extended period of time? It is very tempting for me to get all caught up in Nicole’s exciting and adventurous spirit, but I need to remind myself that right now, at this moment, my purpose in being is for personal growth, not necessarily for adventure (though I believe a little adventure comes with the territory and I welcome it).

Do you guys realize that I am averaging about two and half pages worth of text each day? I really hope I’m not boring the pants off you guys. And don’t worry, I haven’t forgotten about posting pictures. I’ll keep trying.

Love you all and miss you!!!!!!