Post 8

June 18th -- Well, I overslept today. It was just too hard to pull myself out of bed at 4:00am, so I didn’t. But, I didn’t think it would take me 4 more hours to finally wake up! So, I missed helping with the cows and the fresh cow’s milk coffee. I missed Archana and the free tea. I did sit in for the second Archana of the day to make up for the missed one in the morning. I bought a book that translates what is being said. A lot of it is really repetitious and contradictory. I don’t get it. However, I do understand the idea behind chanting. I used to hate it in church when they would do that whole chanting type of call and response thing, but after doing some reading on curanderas (women healers and medicine women) and other speaking with others, I understand now that is it about the vibrations created through this process -- not necessarily the words or who the words are a bout. So, I tried to keep up today. Not easy.

Later, I was assigned to help Deklan (this is the correct spelling of his name -- I asked) find his way around for about 2 hours. While he was doing his mantra, I was reading about Amma and all the wonderful things she and her devotees have been able to do. It is really beautiful. But, what I really liked was when I read a quote from here saying, “The essence of motherhood is not restricted to women who have given birth; it is inherent in both men and women. It is an attitude of the mind. It is love, and love is the very breath of life.” Now, I know that many people have said many things similar to this, but it always helps to hear it again -- especially when you know the person has no idea what your personal situation is. It seems more authentic. I keep reminding myself of something I heard Amma say (through satellite viewing and translation) which was basically, “You can do everything right, but you still may not get the outcome you want.” So, I have to remind myself, that even if I do all this ayurvedic treatment and cleanse my body and do Artificial Insemination -- I may not get pregnant. I have to learn to be okay with that.

Anand, the Indian guy, attempted to read my palm today. I think a lot of Indians dabble in this. He says, that I will have only one true love/marriage. And that I will have one BIG baby. He says he has never seen a baby line that big before. (He had not seen pictures of Jesus prior to this -- but when I showed him Jesus’ head, he understood). I thought this was interesting. According to what he says, if you are right handed then your left hand shows what you were destined to do/have and the right show what your actions have now created for you. If you are left-handed it is the other way around. I thought was interesting. Still, I don’t know if there is anything to this. It is just a lot of fun. Also, I ended up hanging out with Deklan, Nico, and Marta again tonight and we got on to the topic of how Deklan “sees” people. He says he sees like a light and senses people’s energy. He said that I have a childlike spirit and that I am playful, but that he also senses a deep sadness that comes and goes. I thought that was pretty spot on. The truth is, I am only playful and childlike around children. Good thing I work with them all day. Marta, Nico, Deklan, and I hung out at the tea place right outside the ashram for a while and he played his drums and sang for us a little. Then we each tried to play the drums. It was hilarious and so much fun. I got some pic/video. I’ll see if I can’t post it.

I met with the ayurvedic doctor today and I go tomorrow morning at 6:00am for my first treatment. I think we are starting off with the massage. She didn’t say anything about needing to shave my head yet. So, I’ll let you know when the time comes. She says that she will give the correct medicine and to take that bottle back to the guy and ask for my money back. So, I will.

Well, it is late and I have to get up early. So, this is all for now. Love to all.