Post 4

June 14th -- Wow, I just realized today is Saturday! There is no concept (that I can tell) of weekends here. So, it is weird to think it is the weekend. Anyway, I’ve had another great day. First, I got to wear my cool new punjabi shirt -- it is dark purple with red, yellow, orange, blue, and pink embroidery. In other words, it is colorful and beautiful. An indian woman stopped me today and complimented me on it. Then, I walked around and took pictures outside of the ashram of people and the beach. I can’t wait to post the pics for you guys. I tried to do it today when I was able to go to the internet cafe, but it wouldn’t accept it for some reason. I’ll have to play around and see what is going on. It might be something to do with using a mac and then trying to post on a different system. I don’t know. Next, of course, I was able to get on the internet!!! Then, Nicole and I walked over the bridge to a the nearby town so she could use the ATM and it had air-conditioning. I have never felt so relieved in my life. Then we saw these really cool fruits, “Jack Fruit” I think they are called, and it was delicious and SUPER sticky. I never would have tried it if it wasn’t for Nicole. It’s funny... she says that we meet people in our lives at certain times because they are meant to help us with something. It is certainly true in this situation. She has really helped me to realize a lot of things about myself and inspired me to become braver about things. Poor Jesus has been trying to get me to realize these things and be braver for a LONG time, but it is different when it is a female. I can identify with her, you know? She really has become a great friend to me in such a short time. She just stopped by to make sure I was okay because she saw me come out of the Ayurvedic Doctor’s office (which is what we did after the Jack Fruit). I had been crying when I was talking to the doctor. So, Nicole wanted to make sure I had someone to talk to if I needed it. We traded e-mail addresses and I gave her my blog web address. I really hope to keep in touch with her after she leaves. Good news is she has decided to stay longer to get a full week of Ayurvedic treatment. :)

So, the Ayurvedic Doctor is a female too, which is awesome. It makes it so much easier to talk to her about things. She has a very calming energy and immediately I felt this sense of “now I can finally let it all out” and so I rattled of my list of issues and then the tears came. She was so sweet. She held my hand, cupped my face, assured me everything would be okay, and told me to put all my worries at Amma’s feet. Which, of course, I take to mean -- let go of your worries. So, she wants to see me one more time I think before she starts treatment. Of course, her treatments are radical by our standards. But, there is a lot of research out there showing more and more the effectiveness of eastern medicine. I personally think the two combined make the best combination. The way I see it is I’ve tried the western way, now let me try the eastern way. I’ll take the best of both. The crazy part is that she wants me to shave my head! Now, I’ve always joked about shaving my head, but I don’t know if I could actually do it. I mean, I wouldn’t really care so much about having a shaved head (it’s not too far off from what I have now) but it’s all the stares I’d get and what people would say about me. She explained that there is a treatment that she does that includes oils on the scalp and other stuff that is supposed to stick to the scalp and that the hair keeps it from sticking, so I’d need to shave it. She did say that we don’t have to do that treatment. However... I can’t help but think symbolically. It would be like a new beginning for me. A new, fresh start -- not just for my hair, but for me and my state of mind, and my caring what people will think of me. I keep thinking about this episode of the Amazing Race where this woman has these beautiful long dreadlocks that she has been growing for years, but to get ahead in the race she has to shave her head. She does it and she looks beautiful and feels freer. I think they actually won the whole race too... I’m not sure. Now, I’m not delusional enough to think that I will look beautiful with a shaved head -- I just don’t have the features for that. Plus my skin is so bad it will just draw more attention to itself without hair to distract the eye. But I don’t know -- I think I might do it, as a kind of purifying act. I’m typing this on my laptop without internet connection, so I can’t look it up... but I think the quote on my blog says something about choosing the bolder path -- shaving my head SURE would be bold! I go back to her on Tuesday or Wednesday. She’ll want to know my answer by then. I’ve got some thinking to do.

Love you all and miss you!!!